Look at this thing.
If your first thought was “AAAA MUTATED JAPANESE BEETLE INVASION,” you are not alone.
So what the hell is it? Okay, let’s start simple: It’s a car. I know, I know. But it’s a real car, like one a person could get in and drive around and be seen driving by other people in public.
It’s a 1937 Schlor Pillbug. It seats 5-7. It has a Cd of 0.13. And EcoModder.com’s Neil Blanchard says it is the car of the future.
But before we get into just how he knows this, we should probably mention what brings the black, round, insult to style into the spotlight.
Blanchard has put together a list of 29 methods of improving a car’s efficiency. While I am not a mechanical person, and therefore can’t wrap my brain around some of the improvements he’s talking about, I do get one of the overall themes he’s trying to get across: aerodynamics (I printed the list out and wound up writing “WTF” next to a few of his suggestions).
It is a critical part of getting a car where it’s going in the fastest way possible; using all of the concepts of objects in motion we can throw at it in order to maximize the efficiency of the journey.
Some of these include a ventilation system, in which fresh air is funneled into the car through an area under the most pressure and sent out vents through the back. Any and all grills would automatically or manually close when airflow was no longer required.
Blanchard also suggests the deletion of side-view mirrors entirely, with a video camera system in its place to cut down on wind resistance. As a biker, I can’t even tell you the amount of teeth I have/almost have lost to one of these guys. Oh, so they bend now. Great. Still hurts. Glad your mirror’s okay, though.
There should be an emphasis on aerodynamics in tire design (make them lighter and less resistant), as well, featuring as few openings as possible. Anything with a roof rack should be able to have it removed with ease for reasons similar to the rearview mirrors, although replacing the rack with a camera would probably help nothing.
And this last one goes beyond my paraphrasing skills so I’ll just let Neil tell it:
“Regenerative shock absorbers: MIT has a method of using hydraulics to drive a generator, eliminating the need for a mechanically driven alternator; or, to charge the electric drive (aka traction) batteries. These can also be used to lift and level the vehicle, to improve aerodynamics under different loads.”
But, regardless of how many terms I don’t understand, here is the list in all its glory.
And this all goes well beyond mere improvements in just the aerodynamics; they are just a facet of the concepts Blanchard fills us vehicularly illiterate in with.
Hey! A direct approach! What a novel idea in vehicle efficiency. Sure, we’ve tried the sun, water, and wind as alternative energies, but still, everybody’s waiting in line at the bp. So obviously the amount of effort involved in shifting the scope of vehicles in general requires more than claiming “Hey, I’ve got an idea!” and then falling asleep at the wheel.
So what we have here is the anti-legislation. Instead of a months-to-years long process of being attached and unattached to a whole basket of various laws, bills, and politicians, before finally being buried in some legislative graveyard at the bottom of a congressional trash can, coated in chewing gum and evidence of involvement with male prostitutes, we see a point-by-point list of fathomable alterations one could make to a car to make it better.
It’s the picture book of sustainable vehicles.
Granted, the process goes beyond a link to a website. It probably requires a ton of money; the calculations of which I wasn’t even going to try and locate because I don’t even really know what the hell half this shit is. But Blanchard really does, and that’s why he’s writing lists on constructive sustainable data and I’m just sitting here talking about him doing that.
As the “car of the future” will not literally be coming directly from the past, Blanchard is not alone in suggesting that the old Pillbug be brought around for use as a model for cars looking to capitalize their aerodynamics. The best example of that in a contemporary vehicle is the Aptera:
Will we finally reach a point where our cars become spaceships?! I have been waiting for this point in history since Luke was cruising across the Dune Sea in a speeder.
So, while it’s unfair to assume that we can accomplish these ideas of Neil Blanchard in the blink of an exhaust fume, it is a direct approach to forward thinking and takes into account the fact that the clock is ticking for radical change. Rounding out our vehicles into something more like, say, the 1937 Schlor Pillbug, seems a bit more logical than an SUV the size of an Imperial Star Destroyer.
Come on. Let’s turn our cars into spaceships.
Tell me there’s somebody out there who’s against this and I will show you somebody who grew up without an imagination.
